


would it really kill you if we kissed?

by kinkydents (douxdamian)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anal Sex, Angst and Porn, Bottom Eren Yeager, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Eventual Happy Ending, Extremely Dubious Consent, Grieving, Hallucinations, Hurt, M/M, Masturbation, One-Sided Levi/Petra Ral, Pining, Rough Sex, Smut, Top Levi Ackerman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:49:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29531538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/douxdamian/pseuds/kinkydents
Summary: He clenched his teeth, finding an incredible wave of anguish wash over his body. The tears would not stop, and were increasing in its flooding rate. Eren gave a stifled gasp, squeezing his eyes shut and burying his face into his pillow as he muffled his wails of grief and heartbreak.Eren was not Petra.—Following the course of the 57th Expedition, Levi is grieving, resorting to alcohol after Petra Ral's father implied she wanted to marry him. Although they had never been together, it haunts him. Eren wants to help him.[HEED THE TAGS]
Relationships: Implied Levi Ackerman/Petra Ral, Levi Ackerman/Eren Yeager
Comments: 21
Kudos: 160





	would it really kill you if we kissed?

**Author's Note:**

> do not be alarmed with the petra/levi tags, it is only there bc levi doesn't know how to deal with the fact that petra was implied to want to marry him. plus it gives us that suspense and angst lmfao.
> 
> the **dub-con** is there because... well, it's very odd consent. please read with caution. thank you
> 
> this story is not sunshine and rainbows. for a while, at least.

War was unkind. It was brutal, bloody, unforgiving. Even if one might’ve been on the ‘right’ side of it (if that ever existed), you were to be forever altered. Not once could a soldier, veteran or trainee, after being thrown in the battlefield lay down on a comfortable mattress and not think about the idea of somehow being killed in their sleep. If they weren’t fighting physically, they would be fighting emotionally, mentally, a decline of all aspects.

With each fight came loss. It could be that; your comfortable lifestyle. You could lose the innocence, the idea of waking up and not thanking every living God that you were no longer in the midst of battle. Loss was destined, so why?

Why was it _destiny_ to lose?

Levi thought, and he ached, wondering, why did he have to keep losing? He was humanity’s strongest soldier, he was a captain, he had his own special forces and not once had a Titan ever bested him. He survived disease, he survived malnourishment, he survived ghettos and gangs, he survived the Underground, he survived dozens of expeditions outside the walls, he survived being pulled into the inky black tide of death— and a selfish thought came to his head. Why? _Why_ did he keep surviving?

If he gave up, he knew he couldn’t die. He knew some stubborn ass would take care of him, or he’d end up fighting for some person that would die instead of him. God was cruel to Levi Ackerman.

He lost his mother, lost location of his uncle, lost his near-siblings Faolan and Isabel, and now…

The carriage stopped, horses whinnying outside of the box. Levi raised his head from the downcast position it was in, arms and legs crossed as a soldier adjusted to open the door.

Levi adjusted before being halted by the sprained muscle in his leg. Giving a quiet scoff, hand clutching at the limb, he heard a perturbed hush of words directed at him. “Captain, are you okay?”

For some reason, it sounded feminine for only a moment. He glanced upwards, finding Eren Jaeger, a young cadet that happened to be cursed with Titan shifting abilities, peering at him with an inquisitive expression. His eyes were big, eyelashes thick and dark as they framed his eyes, causing attention to the spent dark circles that seeped beneath them.

Swallowing, as he had to set a good example for the boy he had custody over, Levi replied curtly, “I am fine.”

He could hear Eren mutter out a forced acknowledgement before they stepped out of the ride. Eren lagged behind as they approached the building.

It was a worn-down medieval safehold that was given directly for the Survey Corps to reside as they settled legal matters within the Capitol. It was somewhat ancient, but it provided enough needed for the substantial group of people that just went through hell.

Typically, Levi would’ve entered the gate and scoffed, perhaps nitpicking the small cracks and webs that lined the carved rock. He remained aloof, pausing as Eren finally caught up with him, before a group of soldiers alongside Erwin approached him. 

“I hope you don’t mind coming back here, Levi,” Erwin stated while crossing his arms behind his back and glancing at the large safehold.

Levi hummed. “It’s suitable.”

Erwin took a moment to stare at the fort before returning his attention to Levi, who had his direction on Eren as Eren was ambushed by Mikasa and Armin, them eagerly catching up hushedly. “Tonight, around seven, I want you to bring Eren to the dining hall.”

He peeled his eyes off of the trio and nicked a brow at Erwin. “All right…”

“I’m not quite comfortable settling on the Military Police to handle this discovery,” Erwin’s voice was near mute, “There is more to this. I will speak with others, see what information they might know.”

While maybe the Levi from a while ago would be eager to give his thoughts, support Erwin and ask around, this Levi was caught. He was caught in the hyper-awareness that certain people were dead. Certain people who had been relevant to this mission, who sacrificed everything, were gone. A letter, Levi recalled, a letter in a father’s hand, spilling the secrets of the ink towards Levi of a now-deceased daughter.

It made him feel sick. He felt queasy, dizzy even, and he gave a bit too much weight on his leg. Levi stumbled slightly, giving a pained hiss, clutching at the thigh.

Erwin watched him closely. “It’s still torn?”

Levi wanted to give a snarky remark. Though, words fell short on him. “Yes.”

“That’s fine. Rest while you can,” Erwin advised. “I’d suppose these next few days leading up to the investigation will be easy on the body.”

Nodding, and able to notice that the conversation was coming to a close, he twisted to face Eren. “Eren,” Levi called. Eren froze at the mention of his title and was quick to give Levi his diligence. “Come.”

Eren seemed reluctant, although he gave an amiable smile to both Mikasa and Armin, bidding farewells. Though, Levi didn’t really pay much attention, already going through the entryway and guiding towards the Special Operations sector of the safehold.

It was quiet once the two survivors entered the doorway and went through the closed-off hallway. There was a small library alongside a couple rooms, plus an office where Levi would reside.

“Uh, Captain…”

Eren’s voice cut through his head and Levi stopped his step to look at Eren.

Eren was sheepish, looking a little guilty, as he then wondered out loud towards his superior, “I don’t see why I’m being brought here if I am going to sleep in the dungeon...”

Levi hated the way he worded that. It made them sound like assholes. Which they were, in a way. “You’re not sleeping in the dungeon,” he sternly confirmed to Eren. “You’re staying here.”

The boy gave a quiet sound of puzzlement. “Really?”

The captain led the cadet towards a particular room. He paused at the door, staring at it with wide eyes, recalling a certain strawberry-blonde girl who used to write consistently behind that oak. When Levi would walk past, he would hear muffled humming of folk songs, but Levi never really paid attention before. It’s strange, when you lose something, do you suddenly get to remember each fine detail.

Honestly, Levi didn’t know why he was giving Eren her room.

Eren would’ve taken any room. Eren would’ve taken the library, just happy to sleep in a place that didn’t consist of torches and metal. Levi knew that. He didn’t have Eren for a long period of time, barely a month, but he somehow had let the boy comfortably make a tiny living space in his personal attachments.

This was the moment where Levi could get personal. He could shake his head, move to the next room, Eld’s perhaps. Gunther, maybe, as the man didn’t mind sharing. He could.

Petra.

Levi placed a palm on the door and looked over his shoulder at Eren. “Here. You sleep here.”

“In that room?”

“Yes. In this room.”

Eren nodded. He knew he was making the younger nervous. Though, he disregarded it. Stepping back, he allowed Eren to open the door, allowing the sunlight from the curtains inside pelt his honeyed skin.

“Oi, Eren,” Levi addressed him. The brunette looked back at him. “Be here at seven. We have a meeting to go to.”

Then, Eren pondered after giving a nod to Levi, understanding the orders. “Captain… may I… may I go see my friends?”

Usually the captain wouldn’t care, however, he didn’t want Eren to go too far. For some reason, he wanted to grab at Eren’s wrist, intimidate the boy into staying right in that room. That particular room. He wanted the boy to hum the folk songs he used to hear when walking past that very room with papers, to talk about faith, to find a man imitating him and mock them. Levi also applied logic. Erwin was gathering intel.

“I don’t know if your friends will be consistently open. But you can tour around the place, if you need to get out of your head,” Levi gave as a second offer. As much as the boy in front of him was strong, he was also vulnerable. He knew Eren had witnessed the brutal deaths of their squad. It was not fair, Levi knew, and he didn’t exactly know what they were like in their last moments. Though, he didn’t need a word-by-word, he knew they went out fighting. Because of him.

Eren blinked before giving it a consideration. His round eyes, shining with exuberance, youth, passion, Levi knew that he didn’t want to see a time where that would go away.

“Yeah, that sounds fine,” Eren mumbled.

The man didn’t mean to stumble into the wine cellar and find every aged type of juice and liquor there was. He didn’t exactly intend to keep going, either. Levi originally had a glass of noble whiskey to help with the ache in his leg, but he found himself settling in the abandoned bar in the basement.

Levi, when crouched over the countertop, sitting on the top of a wooden stool, began to find himself in clouded thoughts. He suddenly recalled a memory.

After their first expedition, Levi had entered the original squad’s celebration party. They were all lost in the booze, joyous and singing along to songs and made-up rhythms, and Levi had been sat in the back. Petra was there, pink in the face, talking about whatever came to mind. The topic had turned grim, serious, with Petra witnessing the deaths she had outside the walls, feeling like she could’ve done something.

Levi wasn’t a fan of the pitying behavior. He told her to keep going regardless, that every choice she made, it would become relevant. Perhaps it was the alcohol that convinced him to mention that he once lived in the Underground, witnessing death and illness every day, right on the corner of a local market, or in front of a neighbor’s house.

One day, you could wake up, and it’d be a miracle if no one you knew was suddenly missing, sickly, or dead.

Petra called him strong, but Levi disagreed. That was not what made him strong. It made his wits in battle sharper, perhaps, but what made him be considered strong was the fact that he chose to live. Petra seemed happy with his choice.

Though, all those years ago, Levi now knew that it was not a choice.

Death, after death, after death, Levi could not choose to die. He could try. Though, fate was stubborn.

Sniffling and wiping at his nose, clearly irritated and borderline allergic by all the dust and dirt in this cellar, Levi knew it was near time for him to prepare for that meeting. He had to collect Eren.

The liquor was definitely in his system all right, and Levi wasn’t sure why he continued to carry the bottle. Levi wasn’t a disaster when drunk— he could handle his alcohol just fine. He wouldn’t piss his pants, black out, nor vomit, he would only sleep it off and wake up the next day with a slight ache in his head. Due to the fact that Levi could never really accept himself drinking casually, it was not often he had the chance to do as such.

Clearing his throat, he managed to go into the— noticeably quiet and docile— Special Operations sector, dropping off the whiskey in his office, and had himself pause at Petra’s room.

No. It was Eren’s room, now, he had to remember that.

Why was it so difficult to remember that? He reprimanded himself.

Knocking his knuckles against it, he managed out an assertive, “Eren.” The door opened shortly after, a scruffy Eren appearing as he fixed his jacket anxiously. Levi scowled and tried his best to keep his speech coherent. He was powerfully aware of his slow brain. “What’s wrong with you?”

Eren shook his head. “Nothing, Captain. I was just cleaning.”

Petra was wearing a white mask over her jaw, though she pulled it down to speak better, smiling at Levi’s way. He never really noticed it before. Her citrus eyes were bright with enthusiasm, and he could hear her say (albeit a bit unclear) _“I think you’ll finally be proud of my work this time.”_

Humming, Levi moved away from the door. “Come along, then.”

They went towards the dining sector, empty and cleared. It was a rather private meeting, then. Which was fine for Levi, as he’d much rather have a handful of people see him like this than an entire filled room of officials who he’d spent years making peace with.

Levi blinked slowly. “I’m going to make tea.”

Eren nodded at him. “Okay.”

When he turned on the kettle, allowing the well-based water to boil, he began to search the cabinets for tea before finding his breath hitch in the pantry, noticing another bottle of whiskey. Who was hiding all the alcohol around the fort? Levi would’ve promptly set an investigation and have the slacking soldier discharged, but instead of feeling the minor annoyance, his hand reached for it.

 _You’ve had enough,_ Petra’s voice sounded.

Tired of being haunted, he scoffed, not letting a dead woman’s ghost insult him like this. He took it, listening to the kettle wheeze, managing to find the tea leaves and making a classic earl grey. Levi put two shots of whiskey in the cup before heading back towards the table.

Eren was still standing, gazing intently at the table he stood in front of. Levi passed behind him, the presence causing the boy to jump, before relaxing when seeing his superior. The man slowly lowered into his chair and ignored the way his leg tightened in on itself.

“Captain—”

“Sit, Eren.”

With that, Eren took the furthest chair.

He could almost feel everyone else’s whereabouts in each chair, where they all used to signify for themselves. With the way Eren stared at the chair ahead of him before watching the table, Levi knew the kid felt it too. Levi would then try to fill the silence, try to make it comfortable.

  
  


The meeting lasted a while, getting each niche detail out of the way. Levi had gotten himself three more cups of tea in the timespan, not really caring much for Eren’s denial at the fact his former peer was the Female Titan. It could interest him less.

When the rest had to leave, being dismissed by Erwin and Erwin giving a nod at Levi, Levi only stared at him before the commander finally exited the dining hall.

So, it was only them both, then.

Levi sipped his warm tea, blinking slowly, his head turning.

The world… it wasn’t so heavy, at the moment. Not at all. He was a lot more talkative, a lot bolder, he’d say, as he was more sarcastic than usual during the meeting. Erwin had noticed, the rookies not spending much time with Levi to really investigate it. Eren didn’t seem phased.

Well, at Levi, that is. Eren was most definitely trying to comprehend the information that unfolded.

“It… it can’t be true, Captain,” Eren murmured as he folded his hands on his lap. “It can’t be. Not this, too...”

Levi gave a droned sound from his throat.

_“This can’t be true Captain!” Petra exclaimed, “Eld got the second command?”_

_Levi turned to look at her. “He’s reliable.”_

_“And I’m not?”_

An ache shot through his body.

The laughter. The singing. The voice. The banter, personality, family, hobbies, fighting style, attentiveness, body— the body, Levi longed for. He wanted the body. He missed his friends. Oh, God, _anyone he would ever care about would die._

“...Captain?”

Levi’s eyes locked onto Eren’s immediately.

“Are you okay? You’ve been a little odd tonight.”

With that, he placed the teacup on the saucer rather aggressively. Eren jumped at that. Everyone he cared about would die, so what did it matter? What did anything matter? His body felt so slow, giving reluctant, tardy responses to each movement. Levi stood up with support from the table, giving a wobble.

What did it matter?

The company. He needed the company. He needed it.

“Eren,” Levi managed out, turning the corner of the table before clinging onto a chair, putting weight against it. Eren’s eyes, he couldn’t look at them, but he had to. “Just for tonight,” Levi whispered. Eren was different, wasn’t he? He had been proclaimed dead, mourned, even. Eren was eaten by a Titan once before, but survived. He lost his limbs, but survived. He controls a Titan, he fought the Female Titan, and survived. The world tried to kill him, and he survived. Perhaps, humanity’s hope was just like its strongest.

“What are you talking about?” Levi dipped his head at Eren’s simplicity, naivety leaking out his words. “What’s tonight?”

“Stand up, Eren,” Levi slurred, gaining enough confidence to move to the next chair closer to Eren.

Without complaint, Eren did as he asked, pushing the chair in when he could. Levi surveyed him, not really recalling the words he would say moments before. “I need you to… do a favor, for me,” Levi grumbled.

Eren nodded. “What is it?”

Managing to lurk around Eren, he stood to Eren’s side, the boy now between the table and him. Levi eyed him slowly. “Turn around.”

He knew the cadet wouldn’t know much about the implications with those two words. Levi chemically could not give a damn whether or not Eren knew what that meant. He just needed to see. Maybe, if he had no face, he could…

Eren turned.

No face. Levi stared at the back of Eren. He watched the way his shoulders would rise with each breath, Eren adjusting to clutch onto his elbow with one of his arms at his front, giving him a full view. Eren’s body… while he knew the kid worked out, it still had a narrow waist. Like Petra. Levi noticed how similar their bodies were, with Eren’s being more boxy.

“Bend… bend over,” Levi breathed out, feeling all the heat from his face cascade down towards his lower stomach when he managed to eye Eren’s ass for more than two seconds.

“Sir?—”

“Do it, Eren, it’s… it’s a favor, an order,” Levi stumbled on the wording. “Lis’en to your Captain, okay?”

Eren looked behind his shoulder, and Levi felt somewhat disturbed. Eren didn’t fold his body, instead bending his back a bit, letting his palms rest on the table. “Is this enough, Captain?”

Levi didn’t answer, his blurred vision gazing at the body before him. Without giving it thought, one of his hands went to cup the ass against the pants, hearing a gasp and a hurried, flustered captain release from the kid’s mouth.

“Soft,” Levi commented under his breath, “like her. Innocent.”

He was deaf to any comments being made. Suddenly, Levi inched closer, only slightly, to place both his hands against the ass. It was generous, round and fit, but gentle to hold. Soft. His fingers traveled down thighs to meet the straps, hooking his tips underneath them and smacking them against its holder.

“Ouch!”

Why’d that yelp arouse him? Why was he so aroused? The alcohol in his bloodstream made its entrance when his jeans felt tight. He felt claustrophobic. Levi paused before feeling pent energy release as he slammed his clothed hips into the other pair, the younger’s pelvis being trapped between Levi’s and the table. His hand was flat between shoulders as he found himself pushing the torso against the table, completely bending it over.

“Captain!”

That voice made him blink a few times, recognizing Eren when teal eyes finally managed to catch his metallic’s own. “Captain, please, what are you doing?”

Levi sleepily batted his eyelids before moving downwards and rubbing his hands on Eren’s shoulders. “Eren… I need your help. Please, help me.”

“What… what help?”

The boy was scared. That’s okay. Levi would be, too, honestly. He found his hands rubbing Eren’s shoulders to meet his sides and slide them up the tan jacket. “It’s… I need… I need t’ fuck you.”

Eren was completely still, quiet. Levi almost wondered if the younger was breathing.

Though, he couldn’t comprehend what was wrong with what he was asking. He didn’t know exactly why he was feeling this way, he couldn’t find himself to feel much emotion from it. His head felt fuzzy.

“...Will this— will this make up for it, Captain…?”

Eren’s voice was grave. It was clearly cluttered with his own internal war’s propaganda. Levi didn’t know what the fuck the kid was talking about. “...Sure,” Levi drawled, “yeah. Just say yes.”

“Okay… I trust you, okay?” Eren whispered. “Do what you need to do, Captain… what can I do?”

That was all he needed. 

“Just stay there. Stay still. Don’t do anything... don’t do anything.” Levi pressed his hips tightly against Eren’s own, grinding against the valley slightly, feeling his cock purr at the sensation. Though, it was irritable, the fabric not doing wonders and only grating against his skin. Clumsy, he found himself tugging at Eren’s pants, giving out a string of vile curses as he had to use his unresponsive fingers to unbutton the fabric.

He slid it down slowly, taking the trousers with, and leaning back to admire the ass. The beautiful, pert ass. Levi’s hands groped and squeezed it, essentially molesting the poor piece of art, before he placed a finger in his mouth, collecting the liquor-and-tea flavored saliva to coat his pointer and circling the little ring of muscle. _The_ hole.

Ignoring the hitch of breath when he penetrated his finger inside, he found himself caving in through the walls of heat and adding a second finger shortly after. Levi could make out an uncomfortable groan.

So warm and moist, there was nothing to stop Levi from taking it. He spread the cheeks open and aimed to spit directly onto the hole to add more lubricant, so he could add his ring finger to the mix.

That should be enough. If it wasn’t, whatever. A part of him recalled this was Eren; he could just heal it back, right? It’s fine. There’s nothing wrong here, Levi needed to take that pink hole immediately.

Hurriedly yanking his pants down to his mid-thighs, he took his erect, aching and scarlet cock to prod it against the entrance. Levi’s breath jittered when the tip slowly melted itself inside.

Even with only the tip in, he felt his stomach do flips. “That’s it… that’s it…” he repeated himself as bliss wrapped itself around his dick. His throat was closing in on itself as he was ultimately concerned with getting his cock inside of the heat. Levi moved his hands so one was on the ass, the other against the small of a back.

Levi pushed inside, choked growls releasing from his mouth.

“Captain, it hurts,” Eren’s voice broke to him. It sounded heavy, breathless.

His vision dazed and mind unable to comprehend what situation it was currently in, Levi leaned over Eren’s body like a shield, a hand moving to cup tenderly at Eren’s jaw. “It’s s’pposed to,” Levi drawled as he brushed aside brown locks to suck lazily against the skin.

Eren gasped beneath him. Inevitably, that caused the walls to clench around his now bottomed-out cock. Levi tensed, promptly clutching at Eren’s jaw and his palm made his way to smother around Eren’s mouth when Levi pulled out and smashed his hips against Eren’s aggressively. He heard the way Eren yelped and cried in, he was hoping, pleasure.

“Don’t be loud…” Levi warned, “Don’t. People… they’ll see.”

He turned Eren’s head towards him when his free hand cupped the underside of Eren’s chin, the opposite hand still remaining on his mouth. “You understand? Be quiet. Don’t squirm,” he commanded when Eren writhed beneath him. “Just take it. Lay there, and be quiet. Nod yes if you understand…”

Eren, eyes watery, yet still full of fire, nodded after a moment.

“Good…” Levi praised as he removed a hand from Eren’s mouth. The boy began to pant harshly, slobber seeping from his lips. With that, he leaned back upwards, kicking at Eren’s ankles to widen his legs further and comfortably grinding against his core.

He gave a long, thick groan, clutching at Eren’s hips to begin a steady pace. He didn’t really take his time. Levi’s thrusts weren’t necessarily slow, not loud enough to cause wet slaps between the two, but enough to where Eren gave quiet, pained yet pleasured whines under his breath at each movement.

Levi began to picture it. A life with her, was apparently what she wrote down. She wanted to follow him everywhere. She ended up dying, just because of her blind devotion to a man who disconnected himself from personal intimacy. Levi didn’t know what romance was. He didn’t understand the concept of it. He grew up with criminals.

He witnessed the body beneath him squirming, the table rattling and creaking with each piston of his hips grinding into fervor. Levi wondered why she didn’t say anything, he clutched onto the narrow waist, _why?_ Why did she have to die before Levi could figure his shit out? He didn’t even know.

Recalling her body being rolled out of the wagon, he felt annoyed with the way the other twisted, so he grabbed fretting wrists and pinned them to the wood, towering over the body as he grew relentless.

“P…” he stammered, “Pe…”

His forehead met with the sweating nape, his cock being suctioned inside of the incalescence. Levi gave a near primal growl, sinking his teeth into the flesh that peeked from the collar of a jacket. He heard a high-pitched whine, hands clutching onto inner thighs and spreading them open as he plunged his cock in an amount he couldn’t remember to count, finding stars behind his eyelids as he emptied himself in the dewy crevices, feeling the younger’s body shake beneath his grasp.

Levi released his mouth from the neck, seeing blood and spit mixed together, red agitated marks on honeyed skin. Though, he pulled out and released Eren’s wrists, immediately tumbling back and burying his fingers in ink-black strands of hair.

He was truly out of his element.

The captain leaned against the wall, dick flaccid and white shirt slicked on his body. He noticed how the other fell to his knees, leaning against a chair, panting as he squirmed with white dripping onto the floor.

Levi pulled up his pants sluggishly, aiming to head back towards Eren, but seeing a familiar scene with his deceased partners overcome in his head. Levi slid down onto the floor, fuzziness overcoming his senses.

—

Eren didn’t expect this.

He had never experienced this before.

Shaking, his lower section hurt, prostate abused and ass forcefully stretched. Eren didn’t know if it was exactly supposed to feel like this or not. He felt sticky, claimed and filled, desiring a bath. His neck made its presence with a lingering sting, placing a hand against the mark.

He could heal it... if he wanted to.

Eren ignored the pulsing between his legs that pleaded for attention. He turned to wonder why Levi was being so quiet, but the man was passed out, leaned against the wall, red in the face.

There was a sunken feeling in his chest. He fixed up his pants, giving quiet hisses of pain when he would move his ass the wrong way. Managing to stand up on his legs with a slight wobble, he fought through the discomfort to approach his superior. Even though he was still sorely hard, his unease ate over the lust, and Eren didn’t exactly know how to handle it, lost in the series of events that had unfolded that day.

“Captain…?”

There was no response. In fact, it seemed like he wasn’t breathing at all. A bit of a panic, Eren wanted to make sure he didn’t have a heart attack, squeezing himself over and pressing an ear to Levi’s chest.

_Ba-dum._

Relief flooded his senses, a long exhale escaping his lips as he wiped his hand over his jaw, wondering what got into Levi.

Eren managed to wriggle his way underneath Levi’s arm, wrapping the— now discovered robust— limb around his shoulders. He managed to redirect his healing towards his ass as he didn’t want to accidentally hurl his captain down a flight of stairs.

While swerving around the table with a barely conscious Levi dragging against him, Eren looked over at the tea. A high suspicion began to calculate within his head, and he adjusted himself so he could pick up the cup and smell it.

Eren winced as a sour smell hit his senses.

Levi was drunk.

That made sense, he supposed, but a part of him felt a little disappointed. While taking Levi back to their section of the safehold, he listened in to each and every one of Levi’s chopped sentences that he would slur out. It mostly consisted of the types of things he would hear him say to the now-deceased Special Operations Squad.

Blood, trees, screaming. Eren was quick to block that thought out. He didn’t need to see it again. Not now.

Eren managed to make it to Levi’s room that he had seen the captain leave out of before. Finding the completely spotless, made bed, he almost felt kinda bad just dropping Levi on top of it. The man didn’t stir. He only slept.

Eren was decent enough to at least take off the man’s shoes. He knew Levi would kill him twice if he let him wear shoes to bed. However, when Eren was about to get up and leave because he felt like he was intruding, he paused.

Turning to Levi, he watched the man sleep, and moved towards the closet. It was pretty neat in there, what anyone would expect, but this space was simply not lived in. Thankfully, when Eren rummaged around the top shelf, he discovered a blanket. He placed it on top of Levi, watching his captain with worrisome eyes, before pulling on Levi’s office chair and sitting near the bed.

Eren didn’t know how long he dozed off for. Though, he was abruptly woken when Levi stirred, giving a cough and hand swiping near the ground beside the bed.

“Captain?” Eren asked hesitantly.

“Bucket.”

It was that single word that sent Eren into alarm. With that, Eren shot up, chair skittering backwards as he looked around Levi’s office to find a bucket. He picked it up, giving it to Levi. The older man then gagged, and Eren was uneasy, glancing away to give Levi the privacy.

When Levi finished puking in the middle of the night, the man let the bucket plop beside his bed, immediately going under the covers and pulling the sheets so high that Eren could only see raven hair. It seemed like the captain went back to sleep.

Eren crossed his arms as he got back down on the chair.

He’d make sure his captain was taken care of.

When he awoke, he rubbed his bleary eyes with the side of his fist. Eren stared out the window lined with velvet curtains, noticing the sun come up the horizon, letting the room glow a golden hue.

Eren thought maybe he should get the captain some water. He got up, exiting the superior’s office promptly to head towards the nearest food area to grab a glass of the clear liquid. When he came back, closing the door shut with the heel of his foot and approaching the bed, he felt his skin prickle when Levi began to toss and turn, eyes cracking open.

“Captain, are you awake?” He asked with a tender tone of voice.

A moment passed, and Eren wondered if the man was only turning in his sleep. However, a drained, hoarse voice bitterly replied, “What a dumb fucking question.”

Eren blinked, biting his cheek. “So… you are?”

“If I wasn't, I wouldn’t be answering you.”

A sheepish laugh escaped from Eren. “I guess you’re right.”

With that, Eren sat on the chair next to Levi’s bed, placing the glass of water beside the nightstand. Levi had his back turned, but he looked over his shoulder, and Eren caught a glimpse of the frostbitten irises that would make his muscles freeze, a cold sweat taking his body. He didn’t know why he reacted this way— well, he had reasons, Levi was quite an intimidating guy and it didn’t help one of their first interactions featured a brutal boot smashing to his face in front of a court— even though he had grown rather close to Levi, something about that stare made him stop.

Was it natural, or bred into him?

Levi sat up, but before he could reach half-way, he halted and threw the back of his hand against his head, letting out a pained grunt. Eren felt worried. “Captain?”

“Fucking… hangover…” Levi grit out before managing to sit up, a hand on the bed supporting him, before looking at the glass of water. “That for me?”

Eren nodded. Levi took it and began to drink it. He watched as Levi’s adam’s apple bobbed with each swallow, finding himself doing the same thing subconsciously. He tore his goggling eyes away to focus on the end of the bed so he wouldn’t find himself weirdly entranced with his captain.

Unsure of how long he was staring at nothing, he flinched sprightly when he felt the gentle caress of a hand press a thumb against his neck.

“What happened here?”

Shocked, Eren gave a quiet “huh?” and had his eyes flicker from Levi’s curious expression to the arm stretched out to him. Then, he dodged Levi’s touch, smacking a hand against his neck and feeling the bruises sink into his muscle and sting.

Did that really not heal?

Eren thought it would’ve healed overnight.

However, a more pressing matter played in his head. With Levi’s unfaltering stare, he realized… “Captain, do you really not remember…?”

Levi seemed pale at the implication. “What?”

“You… you did this.”

Eren watched Levi with careful surveillance. The older seemed confused, almost like he was cringing at the idea of him marking Eren. However, Eren could only assume the film roll of the soused events began to play. Levi’s face went from perplexity to pure unadulterated terror.

He had never seen the captain look so afraid.

“...Eren…” Levi protracted with a slight shiver in his voice, “...did I rape you?”

“No!” Eren immediately jumped to defense. “It wasn’t like that, Captain!”

Though, Levi didn’t seem comforted. He didn’t seem to soften. The man seemed aloof, irises small as his mouth was gaped open the slightest, unable to form words. Eren felt his heart pulse against his ribs. “Was… was it me, Captain? Did I do something wrong?”

“No,” Levi was immediate with his answer. “...It was me. I— I shouldn’t have done that to you, Eren. I’m so sorry. Holy shit...”

Having the captain apologize so sincerely, unable to make eye contact, it was breaking him. “Why apologize…?” Eren wondered.

“It was wrong. You’re just a boy. I forced myself on you.”

Why did those words bother him? Years he had spent training to become a soldier. He’s been through such vivid, awful things that no person should go through, and having his age be the reason why he can’t be treated like an equal was one of the most agitating parts. Why couldn’t Levi treat him and give him responsibility? Scowling, Eren grit, “Why does that matter?”

Levi gave Eren a hardened leer, making the younger freeze in place. “Don’t tell me you liked it.”

Was he not supposed to?

“We’re not discussing this,” Levi grumbled, “and we’re not _ever_ going to talk about it again. Okay?”

Fists gripping tightly together, Eren abruptly stood from his seat, staring down at Levi, whose eyes met with his before returning to the glass of water and drinking it slowly.

“Am I dismissed?” Eren asked curtly.

Levi seemed irked with the behavior before scoffing, squeezing his glass. “Yes.”

Eren turned on his heel and walked out.

  
  


That day, when Eren had been seated in the dining hall alongside Jean, Armin, and Mikasa, they had been brought to conversation. It was until then someone noticed the jaw-shaped bruise in his neck, and Eren laughed before saying he managed to trip on training equipment. They believed it, knowing Eren could be unbelievably clumsy at points.

Levi had walked through the hall alongside a soldier, in uniform, and Eren seemed to stare at him from across the room.

His friends noticed, commenting about the annoyed look in Eren’s eye.

What could he say to them? That Levi had fucked him in this very room the night prior, and then immediately brushed him off afterwards?

Regardless, they ignored each other that day. Eren hadn’t seen the man since. He didn’t know if he wanted to.

When Eren finally managed to enter his room, he groaned as he leaned against the door to shut it, hearing the click, confirming its closure. 

While he had done mostly chores, training, and planning that day, he was so distracted by Levi. The captain didn’t even have to be around for Eren to linger on that man’s every move and sound. A small sigh resulted from him as he waddled over to his bed and plopped face-down in it.

Why was Levi so upset at him?

...That didn’t really make sense. Levi said Eren did nothing wrong. So why treat him so unfairly?

_Eren… did I rape you?_

Ah… it was a matter of Levi, then, was it? Eren peeled off his boots when he sat up on his bed, pulling his knees to his chest and resting his head on them, holding his legs close.

_It was wrong. You’re just a boy. I forced myself on you._

Eren recalled the events. At first, Eren was scared. When Levi penetrated him, it hurt, and he didn’t want it to hurt. He cried, and writhed, and was begging for the captain to slow down— to take it easy, be gentle. However, Levi didn’t hear him. He kept going, murmuring on and on about a _‘she’_ and _‘you wanted to get married’._

Drunken ramblings, Eren assumed. Did Levi lose a lover?

Eren paused as a familiar face was at the back of his eyelids.

It winded him. Eren inhaled so tightly that he found himself giving a cough, collapsing into his bedsheets and pulling at his hair.

Why did this realization hurt worse?

No, Eren convinced himself, there had to be a reason why Levi did what he did. It had to revolve around Eren, right?

_Eren… I need your help. Please, help me._

Levi asked Eren. Levi said Eren. Eren was the particular subject. He gave a shaken breath as he remembered the way Levi turned him around, pinned him to the table and groped him.

He shuffled his thighs as he laid on his side, burying a hand between his legs to avoid wanting to feel his half-hard dick. Eren nuzzled his face into his pillow, squeezing his eyes shut and unable to block out the images in his head.

Originally, at the request, Eren wondered if this would make up for getting Levi’s friends killed. He thought if he let Levi fuck him, Levi would forgive him. Eren blamed himself, and in a way, letting Levi do whatever he pleased with Eren also could help his journey to forgiveness, he believed.

So… why did he want Levi so bad? He wanted it again, he noticed. Being rejected earlier, it made him realize how much he wanted that. Eren squirmed, legs causing friction against each other before he finally managed to palm at his center and feel his length tight against his jeans.

A hard breath released from him. _I need t’ fuck you._

“Captain…”

That’s when Eren shuffled onto his elbows and knees, loosening his belt and pulling down his pants to his mid-thighs. His hand shook as it hovered across his penis, before firmly grasping it and giving out a choked sound. Eren had masturbated before, but it’d been so long… he bit his lip as he began to pump himself slowly, amateur and sloppy.

 _Just stay there._ _Stay still. Don’t do anything... don’t do anything._ The words kept replaying in his head. Levi’s sultry, commanding, droning tone wouldn’t get out of his head. His eyebrows fell down on his face as he found his hand brushing past his balls and ghosting over his ass.

This is where… Eren felt hot at the memory. Sticky fingers had inserted themselves here. Trembling, he moved to insert two fingers into his mouth, salivating on them before circling the outer rim of his hole. His index finger started first, sinking deep into his hot insides, causing him to whimper into his pillow.

 _That’s it…_ Levi’s voice cooed in his head as he stretched his walls, _that’s it._

Eren drove the second finger inside and groaned, rocking his hips back into his hand, trying to reach the sweet spot like Levi did. Frustration brimmed at him when he couldn’t get it right. He wasn’t skilled enough.

_You’re just a boy._

“Dammit…!” Eren gave a weak cry against his pillow, slamming his fist against his bedsheets. He would’ve stopped, but he kept going, unable to stop the fervor controlling at him. It didn’t help that he was edged yesterday, Levi passing out before even considering the idea that Eren didn’t come. _He didn’t care for you to come, it wasn’t about you,_ a voice taunted.

Eren refused to believe that. Levi was too inebriated to focus. The way Levi had his hand on Eren’s mouth, telling him to be quiet, shushing him and calling him _good…_ His free hand moved up to press his fingertips into the now-healing bruise, addicted to the sensation of being claimed by his superior officer in every aspect.

_Just take it. Lay there, and be quiet._

A wanton sigh released from his lips as he dropped onto his chest with his ass high in the air, his underworked hand moving to massage at his dripping length as he drilled his hole with fingers.

 _Captain…_ he thought, libidinous and aching, _Captain, I’d let you do it over and over again. I’d let you do anything to me. I don’t care if it hurts._

Drool spilled from the side of his mouth as he shook on the bed. His breath was uneven, ragged as his cheek nuzzled against the pillow that was slowly being drenched.

One thought relayed in his head.

_You’re the only one… I would ever let hurt me..._

Tears welled at his eyes. Giving off cries that resulted from sadness and carnality, Eren humped at his hands, overstimulated and aching before gasping.

His palm swerved at the head of his dick before he found himself arching into his grasp, the slick white excrement sticking to his fingers as he caught it all.

Eren’s body fell limp, collapsing onto the bouncy mattress, staring emptily at the other side of the room. His blinks were slow, water welling in his eyes and tears leaking down his flushed face.

He clenched his teeth, finding an incredible wave of anguish wash over his body. The tears would not stop, and were increasing in its flooding rate. Eren gave a stifled gasp, squeezing his eyes shut and burying his face into his pillow as he muffled his wails of grief and heartbreak.

Eren was not Petra.

—

Eren was outside kneeling, pulling against the weeds on the side of the building, as Levi had ordered the bored cadets to clean. He had his jacket off and folded on a bench, the sun’s blinding rays sinking down into his skin and causing him to grow hot very quickly.

Jean, Mikasa, and Armin were all outside too, working on weeds or cleansing the windows from the weather’s effects.

Mikasa simpered at Eren as she stood beside him. “Is your hair bothering you?”

Eren blinked, not realizing he was tucking brown stands behind his ears. He pinched at a clump, frowning, “Is it getting longer? I don’t notice anymore.”

“Maybe. When was the last time you had a trim?” Mikasa asked as she yanked out a nasty weed that was probably two feet tall. Eren admired her strength a lot. “You know, if you keep growing it, I could finally give you a braid.”

Laughing at the image, he shook his head. Eren hummed thoughtfully, “I haven’t had it cut since training.”

“Your hair has always grown particularly fast.”

That, or maybe the Titan gene would make it grow faster. He wasn’t aware yet. There was a lot he didn’t know about himself. Eren felt himself pull out the key that was tucked inside of his shirt and rub his thumb across its shape. 

Mikasa noticed, nodding down at him. “What’s on your mind?”

 _Well, I think I have strong, intimate feelings for our captain who is half our age and fucked me while under the influence, I’m a Titan and I don’t even know anything about myself, Annie is the Female Titan and killed dozens of comrades, including the Special Operations team in front of my eyes brutally, and then fucking_ ate _me…_

“A lot.”

“Oi.”

All their heads whipped to see Levi approach with Erwin at his side. Erwin nodded. “Mikasa, Jean, Armin, come with me.”

Confused as to why Eren wasn’t invited, and feeling left out, Eren simply wondered if it’s because he was under Levi’s complete watch, and the short officer would probably much rather have him clean than sit around talking. He puffed out air, despite it all, Levi was still weirdly possessive over him in that sense.

Eren tucked his key back in his shirt and turned his cheek towards the crowd, focusing on the nasty cluster of weeds that required his full attention.

He gripped one and struggled to even get it to tear. It seemed to be buried underneath the building. Eren grit his teeth as he pulled harder.

Ignoring the footsteps surrounding him, he released the abused weed with a long sigh, wondering if he should grab a knife to simply sever it and leave the growth to the future sucker who would be stuck doing this job.

The skin on Eren’s neck prickled when a familiar figure squatted down beside him. A jacketed arm reached across towards the weed, curling the fuzzy green stem around its hand and gripping it until its knuckles turned white. With a light pull, and then a harsh yank, the weed tore brutally from its confinements underneath the building, roots jagged and flaking dirt onto the rock beneath their boots.

Eren didn’t really need to look to know who it was. “Thanks,” he mumbled.

Levi hummed, tossing the weed behind his shoulder. When he expected Levi to get up and walk off, Levi remained squatted there, staring at the mess of weeds alongside Eren.

The cool-toned voice asked a question he didn’t expect. “Are you mad at me, Eren?”

It seemed so personal, so private, that Eren didn’t even know what to say. It was a basic question regarding feelings, but he never expected to hear those words from Levi. At least, he recalled the time in the courtroom when Levi asked if Eren resented him… but Levi had to do what he had to do.

This, though…

Eren glanced at Levi from the corner of his eye, seeing the captain stare intently at him. A little flustered, he immediately turned his direction back to the foliage. “No.” A bit of a lie.

“You avoid me.”

Those three words caused him to wince. Eren finally managed to face his captain, ignoring the way his knee bumped into Levi’s idly. “That’s not true.”

“You purposefully take the long ways around the safehold to avoid my routes,” Levi pointed out, his face nonchalant and untelling. Eren admired that about him, but also resented it at times like this. Was that a good or bad thing? He could never tell with this man.

Eren shrugged, picking the leaves off of weeds casually. “I don’t mean to.”

Levi didn’t believe it, he knew. “I don’t want you to hate me because of what happened,” the older man finally addressed the situation. Eren tensed. “...But I understand if you need to.”

“I could never hate you, Captain,” Eren said without thinking.

Realizing the possibilities that Levi could run with regarding that statement alone, Eren felt his cheeks burn, rubbing at them with the back of his hand before turning his head away from humanity’s strongest.

“You have to.”

Eren frowned, whipping around and watching as Levi recoiled at the sudden action and ferocity in his words. “No. I won’t.”

Levi blinked a couple of times, before his face dropped once again, tilting his head to look at the overrun moss and miniature bushes budding from the cracks of the rock. “You’re too fucking stubborn for your own good.”

“Captain, I told you I didn’t mind it.”

“I took advantage of you,” Levi spoke like a confession. “At the time, you were dealing with your own shit, too. Hell, I don’t even remember letting you finish…” the man sneered, “I was piss-drunk, and even if you said no, I don’t think I would’ve stopped.” Then, his obsidian glare met with Eren’s own. “How does that bide with you? The fact that I would’ve fucked you, regardless if you consented.”

Eren, however, wasn’t phased. His eyebrows curled downwards as he stared at the ground. “...I don’t think I can see myself rejecting any of your orders, Captain.”

“Even if I didn’t see you?”

Eren watched Levi. “What do you mean?”

Levi’s expression was slow, but it turned into one of sorrow, Eren eyeing his side profile carefully. “If I fucked you, thinking about someone else.”

Ah…

As much as Levi was blunt, it didn’t make that sentence any less painful. Eren didn’t need to hear his insecurities played out before him like that. However, Eren could still see himself letting Levi have his way, because that one specific reason resided in his head; he had to repent for his bad choices.

“Even if you didn’t see me.”

Then, gaining enough confidence, he locked his sight with Levi’s, the man’s expression turned into pity for Eren. Eren didn’t want pity.

Levi reached out, fingertips ghosting against the side of Eren’s neck. Eren’s heart skipped at the oddly affectionate gesture. “It’s almost gone,” he commented with a tender voice.

Eren realized he was mentioning the mark. “For some reason, my healing ability doesn’t target it. I think I need to work on that better,” he said, trying to keep it more professional, since that was what Levi clearly wanted of him.

The captain noticed this, dropping his hand. “I think so, too.”

They stayed there in silence for a moment, both unable to look each other in the eye for the remainder of their time together. When a soldier in the distance called for Levi, the man stood, and a shadow loomed over him as Levi blocked the incandescent sun from him. Eren didn’t have to squint, slowly peering up at Levi, who looked down at him.

“When you’re done with this wall, you’re excused from your chores for today,” Levi instructed. With that, the captain headed off, leaving him back in the scorching sun.

Eren watched him leave. When the captain was far out of sight, it wasn’t until he heard a soft droplet hit the rock below him that he finally noticed that he was crying.

—

Intoxication was truly deadly for men like him. Not because he was too reckless, but because the amount of self-control he had over dangerous thoughts would drop its barrier. Levi was sitting in his office, whiskey bottle in hand, being the pitiful griever he was. 

He placed his forearm over his eyes.

The way Eren was looking at him earlier that morning— it was like a poltergeist in his fucking head. As much as Levi was trying to get the boy to hate him, to condemn him and rip him apart, Eren still looked at him with such a fierce, undying loyalty, that it made him feel sick to his stomach. Levi didn’t deserve it. He let his misery fuck up an innocent teenager, who was currently being put through hell. Levi was supposed to be his rock, his stable force, someone to keep him grounded and to protect him from oncoming threats.

Yet…

Levi pinned him to that table. Levi ignored his pleas. Levi then continued to make him feel ashamed for liking it, even though Levi shouldn’t have done it in the first place. Levi didn’t even have the guts to at least _acknowledge_ that he was fucking Eren. He treated Eren just like it was _anyone’s_ body. He was somewhere else, and that was in itself the biggest insult to the boy, he noticed.

Another swig of the liquor, he gave a weak, sarcastic chuckle at how brooding he was. Levi hated men like him, the type who do shit on purpose and feel sorry for themselves. He could imagine everyone scolding him for being a hypocrite. Faolan, Isabel, Petra, Eld, Gunther, Oulo, maybe even his mother, maybe Kenny, they were all mocking him from their (one unconfirmed) graves.

Levi grit his teeth after giving a hiss, his fingernails digging into his palm.

Once again, with drinking, came sexual frustration as he, admittedly, missed that very body he had indulged in a few nights prior.

_“Captain, I told you I didn’t mind it.”_

Shit. Why was he thinking about that quote now?

Too sottish to consider the consequences, thinking with his hard-on and not his head, Levi found himself getting up from his office chair and dragging towards his door.

His hand touched the handle before whipping it off as if it singed him. Levi couldn’t. He fucked up once, but never again.

Even though the handle burned at his flesh, even though it was tearing at him, he managed to open his door and find himself stumbling down towards Petra’s room. He placed his forehead against the door, leaning against it for a while, trying to conjure his scrambled, drunken thoughts together before finding himself nearly bursting the door down.

His eyes lagged around the room before finding Eren pulling himself out of his closet, gawking at Levi in surprise. “Captain? What’s wrong?”

What _was_ wrong, that was a good question Eren just asked.

Levi, however, didn’t have words. Eren was standing at the edge of his bed, and immediately, Levi needed him on it. With that, Levi heavily tread over towards Eren, watching the younger back up a bit before his calves hit the end of the bed. When Eren looked back, that's when Levi decided to push Eren down onto the mattress, towering over the taller cadet. The moonlight was the only source of light, the room somewhat dark and gloomy, making Eren have a silver glow.

Eren’s lips pinched together, bringing a knee up as he moved back a bit. “Captain…”

The room spun a bit.

_I trust you, okay?_

_Trust me,_ Levi pleaded in his head as he dropped to his knees on the bed, before crawling on all fours to split Eren’s thighs open and settle himself in between. Levi was predatory, dark and lurking, making Eren sink the back of his head into his pillow as Levi stared directly down at him.

Eren had kissable lips. He’d give it to the boy that it was tempting (although he wouldn’t). Though, Petra’s face still flashed in his mind, and he scoffed with teeth glued together, burying his fingers in the sheets.

“Captain… if— if you need to— please, feel free.”

Levi’s eyes widened.

“If you need to...” Eren’s shaky hand moved to gently graze over Levi’s cheek, like a ghost, a familiar ghost with hazel eyes. The warm, soft hand of Eren cupped his face, and Levi ogled down at the younger. “Then, hurt me.”

An emotional torment relentlessly threw like a hurricane in his head. It felt like his thoughts wouldn’t stop spinning, the alcohol making his cheeks hot, eyes watery as he squeezed them shut to prevent tears. “I’m sorry I have to keep doing this to you…” Levi managed out, knowing his cock was aching, adjusting his torso upwards so he could manhandle Eren onto his fours. “Just— lay still… lay still and… don’t look at me while I do this, please.”

Eren had been, eyebrows curling together as he looked at Levi from over his shoulder. If Levi looked hard enough, he could see tears welling, before the boy nodded and buried his head in the pillow. _I keep hurting you,_ he thought, _I keep hurting you and I just can’t stop because I_ need _to._

When he pulled down Eren’s pants and wet his fingers to prepare the boy, Levi couldn’t stop the way he hated himself. He disgusted himself as he fingered Eren while also pressing his hips against his ass, imagining his digits were his dick.

He knew Petra, Faolan, Isabel, all of them, they’d hate him for this. The way he took advantage of this beautifully tragic boy.

Levi gave a choked breath as he released his cock from its confinements and pressed it against Eren’s begging hole. The pink heat took him eagerly, sucking him in, and he was surprised at the ease, a stark contrast to their first time— a more bitter memory. Well, he shouldn’t be surprised at all.

Levi corrupted him.

This boy’s most intimate moments were stolen by his superior officer.

Levi panted as he allowed himself to bottom out in Eren, clutching the boy’s thighs before leaning over his body so his front touched Eren’s back. His nose tickled up Eren’s nape, hot breath fanning back at him when he’d breathe against the white button-up shirt the younger adorned.

His arm moved to hook underneath Eren and unbuttoned the top of his shirt, pulling it down so he could stare at the virgin skin. Not a single blemish, scar, mark, it was completely unspoiled. However, he could spot very, very faint freckles at the edges of Eren’s exposed shoulders and forearms. Recalling how gorgeous this being looked in the sun, the sun had definitely kissed him, leaving little lovemarks. Levi licked along Eren’s shoulder, letting his teeth bite down as now both of his arms hooked around Eren and started pumping his hips deep inside of his core.

Eren gave tiny suppressed noises into the pillow, wanton and pleading. Levi’s stomach twisted at the noises, expression clenched as he let his forehead rest against Eren’s shoulder while thrusting vigorously into his protégé.

Petra had freckles, too. They were so unnoticeable, but Levi could recognize them, now.

The thought occurred to him. He kept his eyes closed as he thrust into the tight vacuuming heat. No longer did the concept of Eren linger, as it was being replaced by the woman again. The dead woman. _Dead is dead,_ Levi would say, yet fuck his apprentice-like figure because of a dead person who mentioned to her father that she wanted to marry him.

Not once did Levi ever have anyone interested in him in such a way, despite everything.

 _Despite everything,_ and _especially_ now.

Levi was fucking just to get the adrenaline at this point. No longer was he attempting to be slow, he didn’t try anymore, he was just relentlessly pressing into Eren’s sweet spot and finding his groin boiling with the urge to finish.

Distant memories of flying through cities with ODM Gear, through trees with his friends, with his companions, with his partners, it caused him to bury his head in the crook of Eren’s neck and continue pistoning himself inside of the boy.

“Hah…” Levi breathed out, unable to stop himself from sighing in pleasure. He was fully in the pleasure, burying himself in a coffin of ecstasy. The alcohol certainly helped intensified it, events foggy, lost in fantasy.

 _I wonder…_ Levi started in his head, fixing himself upwards to stare down at the way Eren’s body moved against his. _I wonder if I am missing anything…_

He didn’t know what he was thinking. He told himself it was a fuck and done. That was all. This would be the last time, he would leave, and then make it up to Eren later on when he got over his weird weepy stage. However, his pale hand found itself nudging beneath Eren’s chin, turning the shifter’s head to look at him.

Bangs covered Eren’s eyes, and he tucked them to the side, a rhythmic stroke behind Eren’s ear. He could feel Eren lean into it slightly, before his teary, beseeching gaze slowed Levi’s pace.

Eren winced and buried his forehead back into the pillow, hiding himself from Levi. He wondered if it was because it was requested of him, or he couldn’t bear to look at the captain.

Levi couldn’t blame him, either way.

His hand then moved to bury itself in brown locks of hair, weaving through the strands, clutching them as he restarted his vigorous pace. Levi’s free hand sturdily held Eren’s hip, burning his finger pads into flesh deeply until the cinders of bruises were left behind. Gritting his teeth and giving hisses of breath, heat pooling into his cock, he didn’t bother to ask before grinding his hips deep into Eren and unloading inside the wet, welcoming heat.

He remained inside of Eren, filling him up to the brim, before leaning forward and using his hand that once tugged Eren’s hair to slide down the boy’s stomach and clutch onto his dick. Eren gave a loud gasp that broke off into a choked whimper when Levi began to massage the appendage.

“Is my boy going to come?” Levi found himself saying it, scratching his fingernails down Eren’s thigh. “Come.”

Eren let out a cry as he unloaded into Levi’s hand, trembling and shaking like he was trapped in ice. Levi sighed in Eren’s ear, murmuring, “Good boy.”

Eren gave a pleased noise at the praise, rubbing his nose against the pillow as his body was unable to keep up. Then, the younger dropped onto his belly, causing Levi’s dick to slide out, cum dripping out of the other’s hole and coated his declining cock.

It was… gratifying, watching Eren like that. While their circumstances were not good, and he knew this was still not completely consensual, he couldn’t help but to feel his heart be pulled towards his chest when Eren glanced back at him with the most flushed, captivating face, his lips wet with drool.

He wanted to kiss him so bad.

Levi got off of Eren and sat on the edge of the bed with his legs meeting the floor, buttoning his pants back up, knowing he’d have to wash himself off and scrub the clothes. The least he could do was pull out the handkerchief in his jacket’s pocket and wiped at his sticky hands. He winced, wanting to go as this was awkward, but the alcohol still made his movements jagged.

Though, why did fucking Eren sober him up a little bit? He was actually able to think and not pass out this time. He was able to finish the fucking kid off, for crying out loud, as embarrassing as that was last time. He was able to look Eren in the eyes and see Eren for a second there.

“Captain…”

Levi straightened his back to glance over his shoulder at Eren, who remained in the position he was before. The shifter's voice was slow, quiet, but careful with each word, an intention in mind.

“...Did you…” Eren whispered before his voice broke. “Did you see her?”

No longer did the alcohol cause his world to turn. Instead, it completely froze, a horrified, abominable feeling was dread on the captain, who stared at Eren with a grave, disturbed structure.

Eren’s eyes didn’t meet him, instead he had a blank expression, gazing at the wall across the room. Levi watched him with a sinking feeling in his chest.

“Yes.”

Erens’ eyelids widened, the pupil in his eye turning miniature with the realization. Levi didn’t need the room to have light in it to watch the shine in those gorgeous eyes die.

“Why…” Eren started, his voice croaking as he placed the back of his hand against his mouth, “...why do I keep thinking you’ll see me?”

Levi felt those words brutally slaughter his heart. Even the alcohol could not alleviate that pain. He wished he could give him everything the boy wanted, but his mind was already so occupied, so heavily damaged and scarred. Eren was beautiful. A terrifying beast raged inside of him along with the fire of passion, but Eren was so tragically, poetically, hauntingly divine.

When Levi had gotten up, he managed to stumble over towards the door and exited it, having it close behind him shortly. He relaxed against it, holding his forehead and allowing himself to grab onto his raven hair irritably.

He could hear Eren’s quiet cries.

—

The attack on the Stohess District was devastating. It wasn’t a considered success when the Female Titan, Annie Leonhart, had ended up cocooning herself in a blade-resistant crystal, effectively giving them no answers. A lot had unfolded that day, bystanders watching two massive Titans duke it out in the middle of their home, their foretold untouchable city.

Levi was quick to maneuver and save Eren from being fused, from killing Annie, and inevitably himself. 

He didn’t see Eren for a while, heavy-loaded on meetings regarding what to do with Annie, the Survey Corps survival, military boards and at least a couple hours to rest.

So when he found that his schedule had been open for a day, the sun was rising, and Mikasa wasn’t glued to Eren’s side due to duties… Levi wanted to visit him. Alone. Wearing casual attire, a blazer, cravat, white button-up, slacks, and oxfords, he didn’t want to draw any attention.

Heading into the barracks where he would be staying and cared for, Levi knew that no one would be awake this early on a quiet day. No expedition, no training, only taking care of rebuilding the town and helping with the aftereffects of battle.

Levi stood in front of the door, hesitant. What would he see in there? It’d been a while since they last had a close, personal interaction that didn’t relate to battle.

_“I could never hate you, Captain.”_

With those words Eren promised him not even a week ago, Levi winced before tapping his knuckles against the door, his nose almost brushing against the surface. Then, his hand inched to carefully peel it open. Levi stepped inside, seeing the curtains blowing from the open window, a golden hue shining across the room.

Eren was sleeping soundly in his bed, his head wrapped up, tan skin glowing into a honey with the lighting.

Eren was gorgeous.

Levi closed the door behind him softly. He saw the chair that Mikasa often sat in beside Eren’s bed when he was recovering. He took her place, sitting and watching the boy sleep.

It was almost parallel to the time Eren sat beside Levi’s bed when the older was hammered.

A pang in his chest was evident. It was until he almost lost Eren, did he realize that he couldn’t. Not again. Not anymore. Levi couldn’t bear it. He knew one day his close friends would die, but knowing Eren and the indescribable flame that flickers inside of him, Levi couldn’t let that fire die out. That fire was the light source that kept Levi traversing the dark tunnel. It was a guide. While Levi helped Eren tame his Titan and became his watcher, Eren had kept Levi on the surface, sane and steady, even though Levi may have abused this trait of his.

Eren stirred. Levi perked, watching as Eren gave a sleep groan, dark eyelashes fluttering open as he emptily stared at the ceiling, clouded. Those eyes, highlighted in amber, moved towards Levi. Eren seemed to believe it was Mikasa once more, turning his head to the side before his head whipped around again, gawking, shooting up in his bed.

“Captain?!”

Levi scoffed. “Did you think I wouldn’t visit you at all?”

Eren looked meek, shyly gazing away. “I… I don’t know.”

That made Levi wince. “Kid, I…” he started, closing his mouth before opening it again, “I don’t want to lose you, too.”

Surprised at the sudden sentiment, Eren blinked at him.

Levi scooted the chair closer so his knees bumped against the side of the bed. He placed his fingers beneath Eren’s chin, tilting it in his direction, staring at the lips before Eren’s eyes.

Eren seemed hesitant, almost floating away from Levi’s touch. “Are you still drinking, Captain?”

The captain swallowed harshly before peeling away his hand. “No. I can’t.”

Eren’s pupils dilated as the boy inched closer. “Then… why did you…”

Levi clenched his fists together. “Eren. What do you want with me?” Knowing that the boy was confused by his question, Levi rephrased, “I… I did whatever I wanted to you. I need to know what you want.”

The brunette turned away to stare ahead, a solemn fog over his sea-green eyes. “You can’t give me what I want.”

“What is that?”

Eren clenched the white bedsheets. “Back then, regarding you, I wanted to be just like you. I wanted to have your power, your ability, your status… you killed Titans with ease, you were so incredible,” he began with a slight twinkle in his eye. “Meeting you… though, it wasn’t exactly how I pictured it… it was everything. Seeing you take me under your care, and then protect me— I realized that you are truly something to aspire.”

He didn’t deserve this praise. Levi clicked his tongue, dipping his head.

“We’ve both lost a lot, Captain…” Eren murmured, “and I don’t exactly know all the people you’ve lost, but I know with Petra… you just…” he stammered, “you didn’t know how to deal with it. I didn’t know either. Captain, I could’ve stopped you if I wanted to,” the brunette admitted. Levi scoffed. “I don’t think you realize how flimsy you were when drunk.”

Levi leaned back in his seat. “Well, I’m glad you met your hero. But that doesn’t excuse what I did.”

Eren frowned. “I know… but… I guess I just wanted you to…” the way Eren abruptly stopped, eyes widened, it made Levi tense. “I wanted you to hold me.”

Ah, he really is a bad person, isn’t he?

“I still want you to hold me. I want to do those same things with you…” Eren murmured, “I… if you need me to be your Petra, Captain,” the sea-green eyes were locked on his obsidian ones, “then I will be just that.”

Unease settled across his spine, giving him a cold sweat. Levi cupped Eren’s face and pulled the boy close. “You cannot be Petra,” he muttered. Eren seemed disheartened before Levi continued, “I want you to stay as my Eren.”

At the use of ‘my’, Eren’s face turned into a red shade. It made Levi’s heart flutter a bit.

“Really, Captain?”

“Levi.”

Eren tilted his head when Levi released the hold from his face. “Huh?”

“Call me Levi.”

The shifter considered it, before giving out a small, “Levi.”

Levi felt his body turn hot at the sound. He wanted to hear that more. He wanted to hear it in every situation. His head began to reel— my Captain Levi, my lover Levi, my husband Levi— at the mention of the marriage title, he no longer saw a girl.

Instead, he saw a terrifyingly ethereal boy, with eyes that resembled the large sky that Levi lacked when young, a heart that beat for every aspiration, a voice that could beckon angels— Eren was truly everything, forgiving, and Levi wanted him. Levi needed him.

He put his hand on Eren’s nape to pull him forward protectively. “Eren,” Levi started, “thank you.”

Eren stared at Levi with raised eyebrows. Then, they settled into a smile, his eyes tearing up as he felt those soft hands cup both of his cheeks. No longer did the hands tremble or simply ghost over his skin, like if it was touched it was going to poison and eat him alive. Eren was more confident.

“Please kiss me, Levi.”

Levi pulled Eren in by the hold on his neck and meshed their lips together. Finally, he thought, the way Eren’s plump lips mended with his. It was perfect. It was what he pined for. Levi’s hand moved to cup the underside of Eren’s jaw, the other’s hands dropping to his shoulders.

Then, Eren gave a whimper of pain.

Levi immediately separated. “What’s wrong?”

Eren shook his head before holding it. “I’m still hanging in there.”

Blinking, he felt a wave of guilt wash over him. He thought he hurt him. Levi rubbed his thumb along Eren’s cheek. “Right.”

Eren noticed this and placed his hand atop of Levi’s. “Levi, you didn’t hurt me. You can’t.”

“But—”

“You can’t.”

Levi frowned. “You’re still so fucking stubborn.”

Eren laughed, leaning forward with an almost sultry stare. “That’s what makes us so compatible, Captain Levi.”

“The moment you recover, I am going to take you ten times in a row,” Levi growled, unable to hold himself back from being honest. Eren, although very flustered, grinned at Levi.

That was the sight he needed to see. From now on, he would treat Eren delicately, even during their more rough moments.

**Author's Note:**

> ayo...... my b. at least they got together in the end LMAO
> 
> — [nsfw twitter](Http://twitter.com/kinkydents)  
> — [aot tumblr](Http://kinkydents.tumblr.com)


End file.
